This blog has been lingering in the back of my mind for the last few months. I’ve missed it.
I’ve moved home and learnt a great deal about myself. I am quite messy; I actually like eating well; and sometimes, I enjoy having a lie in. I always thought that I couldn’t do it but, it got too much living with my sisters. And I was so unhappy and felt backed into a corner so I had to take the jump. I don’t think that I had ever been that unhappy before. Almost like a caged animal was who forgotten what it’s like to be free.
I walk to work now. It’s an 1.5 hours both ways. I get my yoga in about three times a week. I randomly break into squats and lunges whilst cooking. Sometimes, I do Warrior’s Pose before bed.
New things that I have discovered in these last few months:
- Elliott Hulse on YouTube. Check him out.
- Bio Energetics
- Colour correcting primer
- I can be really brave. I asked my long time crush out!
I’ve plucked up the courage to start having laser hair removal on my face again. I was close to crying the first time. My face was on FIRE. So much of the hair dropped out. It really shocking. When you’ve lived with something for so long it’s surprising when you can feel good. I’ve hated my face so long it’s weird getting comfortable with myself again.
Change comes from belief. I’m willing to try challenging things. Things that make me feel awkward. I want to push myself on the different levels and see where I wind up.
Somehow, I had not realised that my body would be this sore. And that I would have to hit the gym and work hard whilst aching. During my workouts I am focused and I work through the pain- no more looking at the panels of other people’s machines when I’m almost dying. Ha! There’s one way of getting rid of comparison envy. Whatever discomfort I’m feeling during my exercises I can bear. But, I did not know that I would not give myself a rest and that the next day I would be back in the gym repeating the killer exercise from yesterday. At least I can walk. Last week after my session on the treadmill I couldn’t go down stairs for 5 days. At least my body is adapting. I managed to fit in two hours of exercise on Monday. I woke up early by accident and the first thing I thought was ‘I can exercise!’ Strange and slightly scary. I am almost waiting for this joy to fall away and for me to go back to my old self. Don’t get me wrong it’s not like every day is like this. Last week I spent most of my week feeling horrid and I cried myself to sleep last night. But, I kicked ass on that treadmill though.
Yesterday, during my Core exercises and hipwork I realised two things: Firstly, that everything that I have learned for the last few years has finally come together. For a long time I did not fully commit to changing myself. Now, it’s not easy but, it’s not the uphill struggle that it used to be. Yes, I have tried to talk myself out of going to the gym for the last two days. But, I went and worked HARD! To top that I worked out for two hours on Monday as I woke up early and did some yoga. The second thing that I realised is that I need to respect my injuries. My pigeon pose is quite deep on my left side but my right knee is injured. It used to frustrate me that I could not bend my knee as much or bend forward as far as I wanted. However, yesterday I thought to myself ‘This is how far you can go today. Respect your injury. Respect your knee.’
It’s coming together in a way that I never thought possible. My portions have decreased and I am not starving. Although my cashew nut addiction shows no sign of abating. Why can I not have an addiction to carrots instead?:) Aching limbs are now my badge of pride. I’ve even somehow managing to overcome my fear of people using me exercise. I’ve found a new room for my lunchtime practise. Sure, a high rise office block overlooks me and I am sorry if you saw my knickers today. But, a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do.
Well, here’s one way to get over my anxiety of being looked at whilst I workout..
I had 2 hours to kill between finishing work and meeting my friends for a concert. Somehow in the midst of working I forgot that I had booked a room for lunchtime. Then I though I could grab that conference room after work and do some Core and hip work then. When I walked into the said room some PhD student had set up camp. The only other room available was the meeting room in my huge plan office with over 40 people in it. I thought ‘I’ll take it!’ A few people had gone home as it’s Friday night. Here I am after 45 mins and I haven’t died of embarrassment. I feel great. I’m sure that some of my colleagues think that I am weird. That’s OK- I am;)
I am actually a little excited about going to the gym this evening. This feels weird. I’m used to pushing exercise to somewhere in the future i.e. never. I am actually looking forward to sweating and feeling the good sort of pain.
Ah, pain. I did very little exercise this weekend. I managed to do about 25 mins of yoga. I’m not sure what muscle goes from my right buttock(kinda of near my tailbone) to my hip bone but I have done something to it. Saturday was the worse- I couldn’t even bend down or over. Finally, on Sunday after heat pack after heat pack I said to myself ‘I need to do pigeon pose’. If you’re unfamiliar with this pose check it out. I’m always a little frightened of this pose as my hips are quite tight but, boy, does it feel good after I’ve done it. I did a couple of videos- one by Sadie Nardini and the other by Jen Hillman After I had done the videos I really happy because the pain had gone away. However, about 15 mins later it was back but definitely less intense. Today, I did Core work at lunch and the moves from the Jen Hillman video and I feel good. My hip is still little off but, I’ve had problems with my hip since I was a child so this is something that I just need to deal with.
You’re probably thinking why does she keep going on about pain? Well, my body is quite strong in some places but I’m not flexible. I have a few injuries and I think that in the past this has put me off exercising although now, I see that if I don’t exercise my muscles get so tight that it’s painful. At my old gym I didn’t go to the yoga class there ‘cos I always felt like a failure for not being able to get into the poses. If I compare this to the me today was doesn’t care that the office behind her can probably see her getting changed before she works out, it makes me laugh. Don’t think that I’m some crazy exhibitionist- I’m not! I have pulled the blinds down and they are shut but I’m pretty sure that you can still see through them. Oh well, lucky office workers!
I tried to take photos of my meals. I’m failing miserable with that. I’ll keep trying.
- Flaxseed meal with peanut butter
- Apples- two I think
- Cashew nuts covered in honey and sesame seeds
- Three large sardines and spinach with onions and garlic. Also juniper and malt vinegar pickled beetroot.
Sunday-I actually took photos! For the whole day. I’ll upload them when I get in.
I definitely felt like I didn’t eat enough during the weekend and this was because I was drinking tonic water for my leg cramps. I don’t normally drink fizzy drinks so this was filling my stomach.
I didn’t take my measurements as I couldn’t bend but I will do sometime this week. I did step on a scale: I’ve lost 1kg- surprisingly in the last 3 weeks. I haven’t really done anything for this so I’m happy.
- Porridge with soya milk and almonds
- Eat Natural cereal bar
- Turkey, spinach, tomato and carrot pizza.
If you haven’t already worked out today, I hope that you’re looking forward to it, too. If you’ve already sweated buckets, well done!