I felt like I was going to die in the gym today. I had done my Core and hip exercises at lunchtime. Happily, I realised that I was stronger and that I needed to move to the next level. After a couple of months of following the programme it was long overdue. This lead to me upping my level to 8 on the elliptical because I didn’t want to get to the point where I am comfortable. 30mins later I understood why people wear sweat bands. Today, people, I tasted my sweat. Vile, yes. I was horrified but I had that secretly pleased feeling when you know that you are working hard. Those intervals killed my thighs and arms.
However, my elated feeling didn’t last for very long as I took the convoluted route home as I had to go to several stores. I am never doing this again after the gym because I’m still waiting to eat supper. It’s going to be a delicious dish with rice, turkey and cabbage so it’s worth the wait. I was crabby and I couldn’t make up my mind about where to go. My lack of preparation saw me without a sports bra and my protein shake today hence me being annoyed. I finally decided to have an apple and cashew nuts. All of the mental whirl kind of came to a standstill and I kept thinking about what getting healthier really means to me. I’ve lost both my grandparents to cardiovascular/diabetes related illnesses. My mum is going blind from her diabetes. My dad is dying from a heart/kidney disease. Whilst sometimes this is a lot to deal with I don’t want to go down the route that my family have taken. My family may not have been able to prevent their illnesses but maybe a healthier diet and exercise may have helped. I don’t know. I am trying hard not to judge as everyone is on a difficult journey. However, I’d like to think that even if I have an illness that I cannot cure, the least that I can do is ensure that I am as well as possible. It’s not how long you live but how well, no? I think that the mistake that I made before was allowing fear to drive me to exercise. This time I making sure that it’s love that guides me to look after my body.
I’m drawing my own map to my destination. That destination is me. As my father’s inevitable death draws closer that map might involve a lot of crying but I’ll finally be speaking my truth. The lines and colours will all be mine. This is love.
I am actually a little excited about going to the gym this evening. This feels weird. I’m used to pushing exercise to somewhere in the future i.e. never. I am actually looking forward to sweating and feeling the good sort of pain.
Ah, pain. I did very little exercise this weekend. I managed to do about 25 mins of yoga. I’m not sure what muscle goes from my right buttock(kinda of near my tailbone) to my hip bone but I have done something to it. Saturday was the worse- I couldn’t even bend down or over. Finally, on Sunday after heat pack after heat pack I said to myself ‘I need to do pigeon pose’. If you’re unfamiliar with this pose check it out. I’m always a little frightened of this pose as my hips are quite tight but, boy, does it feel good after I’ve done it. I did a couple of videos- one by Sadie Nardini and the other by Jen Hillman After I had done the videos I really happy because the pain had gone away. However, about 15 mins later it was back but definitely less intense. Today, I did Core work at lunch and the moves from the Jen Hillman video and I feel good. My hip is still little off but, I’ve had problems with my hip since I was a child so this is something that I just need to deal with.
You’re probably thinking why does she keep going on about pain? Well, my body is quite strong in some places but I’m not flexible. I have a few injuries and I think that in the past this has put me off exercising although now, I see that if I don’t exercise my muscles get so tight that it’s painful. At my old gym I didn’t go to the yoga class there ‘cos I always felt like a failure for not being able to get into the poses. If I compare this to the me today was doesn’t care that the office behind her can probably see her getting changed before she works out, it makes me laugh. Don’t think that I’m some crazy exhibitionist- I’m not! I have pulled the blinds down and they are shut but I’m pretty sure that you can still see through them. Oh well, lucky office workers!
I tried to take photos of my meals. I’m failing miserable with that. I’ll keep trying.
- Flaxseed meal with peanut butter
- Apples- two I think
- Cashew nuts covered in honey and sesame seeds
- Three large sardines and spinach with onions and garlic. Also juniper and malt vinegar pickled beetroot.
Sunday-I actually took photos! For the whole day. I’ll upload them when I get in.
I definitely felt like I didn’t eat enough during the weekend and this was because I was drinking tonic water for my leg cramps. I don’t normally drink fizzy drinks so this was filling my stomach.
I didn’t take my measurements as I couldn’t bend but I will do sometime this week. I did step on a scale: I’ve lost 1kg- surprisingly in the last 3 weeks. I haven’t really done anything for this so I’m happy.
- Porridge with soya milk and almonds
- Eat Natural cereal bar
- Turkey, spinach, tomato and carrot pizza.
If you haven’t already worked out today, I hope that you’re looking forward to it, too. If you’ve already sweated buckets, well done!