This blog has been lingering in the back of my mind for the last few months. I’ve missed it.
I’ve moved home and learnt a great deal about myself. I am quite messy; I actually like eating well; and sometimes, I enjoy having a lie in. I always thought that I couldn’t do it but, it got too much living with my sisters. And I was so unhappy and felt backed into a corner so I had to take the jump. I don’t think that I had ever been that unhappy before. Almost like a caged animal was who forgotten what it’s like to be free.
I walk to work now. It’s an 1.5 hours both ways. I get my yoga in about three times a week. I randomly break into squats and lunges whilst cooking. Sometimes, I do Warrior’s Pose before bed.
New things that I have discovered in these last few months:
- Elliott Hulse on YouTube. Check him out.
- Bio Energetics
- Colour correcting primer
- I can be really brave. I asked my long time crush out!
I’ve plucked up the courage to start having laser hair removal on my face again. I was close to crying the first time. My face was on FIRE. So much of the hair dropped out. It really shocking. When you’ve lived with something for so long it’s surprising when you can feel good. I’ve hated my face so long it’s weird getting comfortable with myself again.
Change comes from belief. I’m willing to try challenging things. Things that make me feel awkward. I want to push myself on the different levels and see where I wind up.
I have worked out once this week. Why? My psoriasis is so painful that I probable averaged 4 hours of sleep every night this week. Yesterday, my skin finally began to knit back together. Yes, it’s as painful as it sounds. I can’t sleep on my right side. It’s never been this bad on my torso before. And I have to say that there have been times where I have wanted to scream in desperation. But, I’m thanking God for small mercies as the last time I lost 40% of my hair. At least my skin is healing now thanks to a truck load of herbs and a new diet that I am following. I’m not the most patience of people when it comes to myself but I’ve just had to take it as it comes. Having an even more restricted diet was a bit of a shock to the system. But, I’m laughing and every inch of new skin seems like a miracle. A while back I watched Oprah’s Lifeclass with Eckhart Tolle who said that the Creator creates in order to experience itself. Well, Lord, you’ve got psoriasis. When I think like this the shame and the feeling of not being enough disappear. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one. It also makes me giggle.
Having time to think helps me to assess my thoughts. I like to weed out my negative beliefs and look at my eating habits. I miss the gym though. On Monday I realised how much I’ve grown. I now run on a treadmill in the busiest part of the gym. When I first started I avoided this area and never thought that I would never ever run in the middle of a busy gym. Let alone run sideways on some days. I am hoping that perhaps next Wednesday I’ll be able to jog. I don’t know. I can’t even do a yoga stretch at the moment. It’s so frustrating. But, sometimes it good to learn to sit with frustration. Sometimes, things don’t go to plan and I have to learn to live with it. I am learning to treat myself kindly which is a novel idea to me. Maybe I’ll fully heal my body and in the long run this serves me better rather than dealing with psoriasis off and on every 4 months.
I hope that you are all having amazing workouts!