I felt like I was going to die in the gym today. I had done my Core and hip exercises at lunchtime. Happily, I realised that I was stronger and that I needed to move to the next level. After a couple of months of following the programme it was long overdue. This lead to me upping my level to 8 on the elliptical because I didn’t want to get to the point where I am comfortable. 30mins later I understood why people wear sweat bands. Today, people, I tasted my sweat. Vile, yes. I was horrified but I had that secretly pleased feeling when you know that you are working hard. Those intervals killed my thighs and arms.
However, my elated feeling didn’t last for very long as I took the convoluted route home as I had to go to several stores. I am never doing this again after the gym because I’m still waiting to eat supper. It’s going to be a delicious dish with rice, turkey and cabbage so it’s worth the wait. I was crabby and I couldn’t make up my mind about where to go. My lack of preparation saw me without a sports bra and my protein shake today hence me being annoyed. I finally decided to have an apple and cashew nuts. All of the mental whirl kind of came to a standstill and I kept thinking about what getting healthier really means to me. I’ve lost both my grandparents to cardiovascular/diabetes related illnesses. My mum is going blind from her diabetes. My dad is dying from a heart/kidney disease. Whilst sometimes this is a lot to deal with I don’t want to go down the route that my family have taken. My family may not have been able to prevent their illnesses but maybe a healthier diet and exercise may have helped. I don’t know. I am trying hard not to judge as everyone is on a difficult journey. However, I’d like to think that even if I have an illness that I cannot cure, the least that I can do is ensure that I am as well as possible. It’s not how long you live but how well, no? I think that the mistake that I made before was allowing fear to drive me to exercise. This time I making sure that it’s love that guides me to look after my body.
I’m drawing my own map to my destination. That destination is me. As my father’s inevitable death draws closer that map might involve a lot of crying but I’ll finally be speaking my truth. The lines and colours will all be mine. This is love.
This morning I woke up aching. DOMS had set in. The cramps that I had last night had gotten worse. I felt stiff but I still packed my gym bag. I felt like I was making excuses. Almost as though this new found love was a wave that was going to crash any minute.
Throughout the day I kept noticing different parts of me aching. The soreness near my tailbone from over stretching last week. My triceps. My calfs and hamstrings. My thighs. Oh Lord, my thighs. I decided not to do any Core work at lunchtime hoping that I would feel a little better. Whilst eating my lunch I realised that it was likely that I would not be going to the gym in the evening. I did not feel disappointed as I realised that I owed my body respect. If it was aching then I needed to allow it to rest. Yes, I would love to exercise for 2 hours everyday but I’m not yet at the stage to do that. If this is to be a lifestyle change then my actions don’t need to be crazy and hurricane like. My colleague said to me that I need to listen to my body. So I listened which is not something that I usually do. When I felt like eating sweetcorn for lunch this morning I went out and bought some. I was in pain so I rested. I noticed how it felt to rest my legs on chair. The simple action of elevating my legs felt wonderful.
I came home after work. I eat my salad and watched a few programmes. The old me would have hit the gym and then I would not have gone for a week because I would not have been able to move. I am trying to be consistent. It’s not motivation and will power that I need more of. It’s love and respect for myself. To love myself enough to know that when I’m hurt that I need to rest and to respect that decision instead of pooh-poohing myself and saying ‘Get on with it!’
I didn’t take any photos for my food diary like I said I would because I kept forgetting. There’s always tomorrow, right?
I’ll list the foods that I’ve eaten here today. I have two small breakfasts because I way cup early:
- Flaxseed meal porridge with peanut butter
- Gluten free cornflakes with soya milk and a few almonds
- Nakd Cocoa Orange Raw Bar
- Salad with steamed salmon, sweetorn, avocado and hummus
- 10 almonds
- Dried pears, raisins, dark chocolate covered apricots
- Salad with baked salmon, olives and hummus.
How was your workout today? Do you have any tips for leg cramps?
Two blogs in a day. I’m on a bit of a roll. It’s nice being excited for myself. I find myself championing other people and really want to celebrate there success but being shy about my own and downplaying things. It’s nice feeling different as though something has shifted inside of me.
Tomorrow I’m going to start a food diary but, with photos. Everything I eat CLICK. I’ll hate it. It will probably stop me from eating but, I’m going to try hard not to censor myself. I’m hoping that seeing my daily food choices will help me to make better ones. I love eating cake. I’m not going to stop eating it but, I need to stop eating so much of it. Just because my cakes are gluten, egg and diary free doesn’t make them calorie free. With my PCOS eating that many carbs so often is not an option for me. Seeing it all will force me to deal with it. I’ll be post it online so I can’t hide at all.lol
Today I was on the treadmill for 50 minutes. My legs were cramping quite badly during Core at lunchtime so my I didn’t go all out. I need to drink more water, I think. Maybe I’ll grab some tonic water, too. My magnesium tablets usually help but, it seems that I might need to increase my dosage. I’m not sure.
- Time: 50 mins
- Rolling hills
- Highest incline 3%
- Speed 6.5
Core programme 20 mins
- Time 35mins
- Level 5/6
Core programme 20 mins
Core programme 20 mins
During the weekend I’ll weigh myself and take my measurements. I’ve lost weight before without actually knowing how much I lost. All I knew was that I lost 10″ from my chest and 8″ from my waist. Not even how many kilos or anything- that’s not going to happen again.
I hope that you all had a great workout today, too. XxXx