I went back to the gym on Monday! Yay! I stepped on my old friend the treadmill and it felt good. OK, for the first 10 minutes it felt like there were fire ants crawling over my skin cos my psoriasis but after that I got into it. Over the last few weeks I thought that I was going to have to change the name of this blog to ‘Be The Psoriasis Girl’.lol. Jokes aside having the goal of getting healthier and losing weight has actually sustained me when I was curled up in pain. No binge eating or lying down feeling sorry for myself. I’ve changed my diet, upped my supplements and concentrated on getting better. Knowing that I had somewhere that I was accountable to meant to I had to get back on that treadmill. I mean I did try some ridiculous diversions on the way to the gym. I told myself that I was tired. That I was unwell. I thought about freezing my membership. I had to tell myself to cut the BS!
But, if anything is a motivator it’s fitting into a smaller size dress. I bought a Maison Martin Margiela for H&M dress a couple of weeks ago and I fit into a size 16! Which has never ever happened before in H&M. I’m quite top heavy so it was unexpected and it made me so happy. (I should add that it took me 30 mins work out how to wear this dress so that might have added to my happiness when I finally cracked it!) My BF and I are hoping to go to NY in May so I’m thinking of setting a size goal for then as I keep seeing dresses that I want but are not in my current size. Or will just be setting myself up for failure?
I am so glad to be back. When I stretched during Corework I was grateful that I could bend. When I finished running yesterday I was grateful that I afford to go to the gym. I’m going to hit it hard this month. I really can’t wait to see how my body changes.
I have worked out once this week. Why? My psoriasis is so painful that I probable averaged 4 hours of sleep every night this week. Yesterday, my skin finally began to knit back together. Yes, it’s as painful as it sounds. I can’t sleep on my right side. It’s never been this bad on my torso before. And I have to say that there have been times where I have wanted to scream in desperation. But, I’m thanking God for small mercies as the last time I lost 40% of my hair. At least my skin is healing now thanks to a truck load of herbs and a new diet that I am following. I’m not the most patience of people when it comes to myself but I’ve just had to take it as it comes. Having an even more restricted diet was a bit of a shock to the system. But, I’m laughing and every inch of new skin seems like a miracle. A while back I watched Oprah’s Lifeclass with Eckhart Tolle who said that the Creator creates in order to experience itself. Well, Lord, you’ve got psoriasis. When I think like this the shame and the feeling of not being enough disappear. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one. It also makes me giggle.
Having time to think helps me to assess my thoughts. I like to weed out my negative beliefs and look at my eating habits. I miss the gym though. On Monday I realised how much I’ve grown. I now run on a treadmill in the busiest part of the gym. When I first started I avoided this area and never thought that I would never ever run in the middle of a busy gym. Let alone run sideways on some days. I am hoping that perhaps next Wednesday I’ll be able to jog. I don’t know. I can’t even do a yoga stretch at the moment. It’s so frustrating. But, sometimes it good to learn to sit with frustration. Sometimes, things don’t go to plan and I have to learn to live with it. I am learning to treat myself kindly which is a novel idea to me. Maybe I’ll fully heal my body and in the long run this serves me better rather than dealing with psoriasis off and on every 4 months.
I hope that you are all having amazing workouts!