I joined the Blogilates diet bet challenge! I’m slightly scared but, I know that I can do it. Plus, I’m competitive. Quietly though. Probably the worse kind. I’ve seen diet bets from YouTube personalities before so when Cassey posted her video I know that I had to do it. I’M NOT LOSING THAT MONEY!!! It’s the perfect motivation to get me to exercise more and also, to add some higher intensity workouts to my regime.
Monday to Friday I walk for 1.5 hours but, it’s not high intensity. More of a medium pace quick walk. I’ve been running sporadically on the weekends, too and my eating has been relatively clean. I’m not kidding when I say that oatcakes with honey, cinnamon and blueberries are my YOLO meal. It’s paid off. I am losing weight and body fat. Using the next notch up on my belt makes me smile and I know that slow weight loss is the best type. It’s just that when you have so much to lose you wonder when you’ll be able to stop? I guess that the answer is that these changes that I’ve made are not a short term solutions. This is going to be my way of life and it’s a bit of a shock when I compare it to my old life. Will I be able to maintain it or will I slide into old patterns? One place I can see it being difficult is eating with other people whether it’s going to a friend’s home or out in a restaurant. I don’t want to have to explain to every single person that I don’t eat this or that. I seem to drink a lot of tea in restaurants instead of eating:) I don’t just want to eat, I want to eat well.
I looked in the mirror this morning and told myself that I love me. Very, very much. I could actually look myself in the eye and do this. Sincerely. Three years ago I was so embarrassed doing this Louise Hay exercise. I remember trying it. I was shy; I couldn’t look myself in the eye; and although I so badly wanted to mean it, I didn’t. Learning to nurture and care for myself has set me on a journey to peeling back the layers of who I am and falling with myself once again. Even if does mean that I let out the competitive beast that has been quietly living inside of me! That 4% is going down this month!
This week has been crazy for me. At work we organised an event for 600+ people in London plus 30 international satellite events. Yes, it was as crazy as it sounds. As I was walking around in those rare moments of silence I was saying to myself ‘Oh, I’m definitely heavier. I feel heavier. It must be fluid retention. I better cut down on my salt. Look! My breasts are definitely bigger. Might be PMS’. Not exactly the mind of a calm and relaxed person.
The first thing I did when I woke up this morning was to ask myself what I wanted to do and the thought came to go for a run by the canal. I’ve lived in this studio for nearly three months and I haven’t even walked by the canal. I crawled back into bed for a another couple of hours and downloaded some apps for training from 0 to a 5k run and other bits and bobs. Whilst getting dressed I spotted my scale. Now, I have a horrible relationship with the scales. If I’ve been working hard and the numbers don’t match then I feel disheartened and especially since I’ve been walking around all week feeling really heavy. I gave myself a pep talk first and then stepped on. I had lost 2.5kg in 10 days.
My mental chatter convinced me that my body was heavier. Somehow it feels as though I don’t really fully live in my body. I can put on 10kg and not realise and clearly, the other way ’round. On somedays it seems to be this heavy thing that I lump around with me. Yet, I’m constantly touching/feeling my body. Putting moisturiser on, stretching and walking. Still, I am unconscious of the parameters of me. Unless I am in pain then I’m physically out of touch. I am little upset by it but, I’m recognising and honouring all the different bits of me so, this is something that I have to work with. Freeing my mental weight might be something that I have to work on long after the physical weight has melted away.
And, yes the run was lovely. My goal is to run three times a week and then, hopefully in 9 weeks time I’ll be able to run 5k. I can walk/run it at the moment but I would love to run all the way. I finished it off with a 20min walk and 50 squats – I started the 30 day squat challenge today. I watched Destiny Godley’s video on YouTube on and I thought I need to do this. Try it!
I went back to the gym on Monday! Yay! I stepped on my old friend the treadmill and it felt good. OK, for the first 10 minutes it felt like there were fire ants crawling over my skin cos my psoriasis but after that I got into it. Over the last few weeks I thought that I was going to have to change the name of this blog to ‘Be The Psoriasis Girl’.lol. Jokes aside having the goal of getting healthier and losing weight has actually sustained me when I was curled up in pain. No binge eating or lying down feeling sorry for myself. I’ve changed my diet, upped my supplements and concentrated on getting better. Knowing that I had somewhere that I was accountable to meant to I had to get back on that treadmill. I mean I did try some ridiculous diversions on the way to the gym. I told myself that I was tired. That I was unwell. I thought about freezing my membership. I had to tell myself to cut the BS!
But, if anything is a motivator it’s fitting into a smaller size dress. I bought a Maison Martin Margiela for H&M dress a couple of weeks ago and I fit into a size 16! Which has never ever happened before in H&M. I’m quite top heavy so it was unexpected and it made me so happy. (I should add that it took me 30 mins work out how to wear this dress so that might have added to my happiness when I finally cracked it!) My BF and I are hoping to go to NY in May so I’m thinking of setting a size goal for then as I keep seeing dresses that I want but are not in my current size. Or will just be setting myself up for failure?
I am so glad to be back. When I stretched during Corework I was grateful that I could bend. When I finished running yesterday I was grateful that I afford to go to the gym. I’m going to hit it hard this month. I really can’t wait to see how my body changes.
I felt like I was going to die in the gym today. I had done my Core and hip exercises at lunchtime. Happily, I realised that I was stronger and that I needed to move to the next level. After a couple of months of following the programme it was long overdue. This lead to me upping my level to 8 on the elliptical because I didn’t want to get to the point where I am comfortable. 30mins later I understood why people wear sweat bands. Today, people, I tasted my sweat. Vile, yes. I was horrified but I had that secretly pleased feeling when you know that you are working hard. Those intervals killed my thighs and arms.
However, my elated feeling didn’t last for very long as I took the convoluted route home as I had to go to several stores. I am never doing this again after the gym because I’m still waiting to eat supper. It’s going to be a delicious dish with rice, turkey and cabbage so it’s worth the wait. I was crabby and I couldn’t make up my mind about where to go. My lack of preparation saw me without a sports bra and my protein shake today hence me being annoyed. I finally decided to have an apple and cashew nuts. All of the mental whirl kind of came to a standstill and I kept thinking about what getting healthier really means to me. I’ve lost both my grandparents to cardiovascular/diabetes related illnesses. My mum is going blind from her diabetes. My dad is dying from a heart/kidney disease. Whilst sometimes this is a lot to deal with I don’t want to go down the route that my family have taken. My family may not have been able to prevent their illnesses but maybe a healthier diet and exercise may have helped. I don’t know. I am trying hard not to judge as everyone is on a difficult journey. However, I’d like to think that even if I have an illness that I cannot cure, the least that I can do is ensure that I am as well as possible. It’s not how long you live but how well, no? I think that the mistake that I made before was allowing fear to drive me to exercise. This time I making sure that it’s love that guides me to look after my body.
I’m drawing my own map to my destination. That destination is me. As my father’s inevitable death draws closer that map might involve a lot of crying but I’ll finally be speaking my truth. The lines and colours will all be mine. This is love.
Today, as I was eating lunch I realised that I was actually scared of losing weight because it’s going to a place that I’ve never been or seen before. I’ve always been the chubby girl. I’ve never visited Planet Slim. It made me feel anxious and I had not realised this before. I put my inability to keep waiting off as a sign of me not trying hard enough. Rather than seeing that this requires me to go to a place that I’ve never down before and that this entails me doing things that I’ve never done before. As I love trying new things I think that this is a brilliant opportunity for me to find different ways to exercise and to make it interesting for myself.
It’s been a quiet week for me exercise-wise. The Raindance film festival is in town so I’ve been 2-3 movies every evening after work. This has meant 5-6 hours of sleep for me. I figured that this was something that I wanted to do for the last 4 years so I would cut my gym sessions and throw in a couple of short daily walks. My last proper workout was on Monday when I did some Core and hip work at lunchtime. The last time that I went to the gym was on Saturday when I spent 15mins on the elliptical and 45mins on the treadmill. This doesn’t really fit in with my health first philosophy does it, huh? Mmmm…not good enough. But, I’ll move on. I plan on going to the gym tomorrow before I hit the cinema. I have been aware of what I am eating and how I am eating all week. I trying to be more conscious of when and why I eat. In order to make sure that I am really hungry for food and not for something else. I eat half of my favourite cupcake that I had not had for three months. At that moment I was feeling full of love that I handed the rest to my friend. Ordinarily, that cupcake would have been all mine as I can only buy it in a couple of places in London. So, I’m making progress on the food front.
This morning I took my measurements and set my goal weight. It was scary and overwhelming to see the figures on paper. I am excited. I received the Supreme 90 Day System a few days ago. I haven’t had time to do any of the workouts but, I’m going to break out the CD tomorrow to have a look. I’ll let you know what I think.
This time I not going to give up. But, this is not a war. I’m not going to fight with my body. I am going to make peace with it. Love and cherish it for the way it is.
I’ve had a bit of a blah day today. I woke up late. I forget my lunch which was already packed and ready to go in my fridge. I was dizzy up until lunchtime. Top it off I was sleepy. So sleepy that I could have gladly rested my head on my desk. Until 4.30pm struck and I thought ‘I’m going to the gym! Yes!’ At 4.55pm I went to put my jacket in my bag and I thought let me check my kit. From the moment I put on my gym bag this morning I thought ‘This feels a bit lighter than usual’. However, I was in such a hurry that I did not give much thought to it.
Guess what? I had forgotten my yoga pants. Great, right? Going to the gym in my t-shirt and trainers was not an option.lol So, on top of not being able to do any core work at lunch because the room was booked I also wouldn’t be working out in the evening. Well, at least I could take my new Hunter wellies straight home so I could try them on instead of leaving them at work I thought.
Got home and tried my wellies and thought I could do some blogilates videos! Here, I am. My abs are hurting and my shoulders and back. My inner thighs! I’ve even done this video. If you haven’t seen this video please go and check it out. You will fall over with laughter.
I promised myself that I would not chain my fitness to the gym. Workouts can be done anywhere. In your lounge, in your local park. I used to make myself go to the gym only at a certain time of day because I hated the atmosphere so much. If I missed that prescribed time slot I would not go and guess, what most of the time I didn’t go. Years ago I used to run in my park during the summer and do videos at home for the rest of the year. I had never stepped in a gym at that time and that’s when I lost 4 dress sizes. I’m remembering that workouts can be fun even if they burn. I’m learning that progress is what it’s about not perfection. Yes, I could not do all the reps this evening. My form might have been off sometimes. My stomach still cramps terribly after doing a tiny amount of core work. But, I’m going to keep pushing myself. I’m doing more than I’ve done in a long time and, yes, quite frankly I so need to high five myself right now. Hahahaha
Food for today – D- honestly for my eating today. It was a case of the serious snack attack in the morning because I was so dizzy.
- Breakfast- gluten free porridge with soya milk, cashew nuts and banana chips.
- A ridiculous amount of banana chips
- Salad with beans and a little rice and quarter honey and mustard chicken.
I will definitely do better tomorrow.
My workout was 35mins with a variety of blogilates videos. I wanted to do another video but, the last time I did one of her leg videos I couldn’t go down stairs for a week. I always find Pilates deceptive! Check her out if you haven’t seen her on youtube. She is my inspiration. I completely love her. During my workout yesterday around 22 mins my thighs were burning so much and I wanted to step off the elliptical and kept saying to myself “what would Cassey say?’
Who or what inspired you to workout? Do you have someone that you are totally crazy about?
It was my third day at the gym today. I was surprised at how much sweat just kept pouring down my face and into my eyes and down my cheeks. I felt really proud. Sounds a bit disgusting doesn’t it? Sorry.
I’m still doing short workouts because I want to go to the gym everyday. I feel as though working out helps me with other things in my life. Like my concentration at work. With eating almost-healthy. With being hopeful about my life.
- 30 mins core work
- 30 mins elliptical on level 6- my thighs were on fire! Interval training.
For supper I had poussin and a salad today.
Before the gym I had a Nakd cocoa bar and banana. After the gym I had a protein shake.
Here is my food diary from yesterday:
Breakfast flaxseed meal porridge with apple
Supper- homemade gluten free pizza with turkey, kale, tomatoes, carrots and buffalo mozzarella cheese
I hope that you enjoyed your workout as much as I did today.
Love and hugs,